Growing up with a lot of brothers in a man's world was not easy. It was hard for a sensitive, shy, timid girl to find her place and feel important. I always wanted to believe girls were just as important as boys (after all if there weren't girls there wouldn't be any more boys or girls, but is that all girls are for?) I still do want to believe that but proving that to myself is sometimes difficult.
This summer before the kids started school I was concerned about what I was going to do with all my free time (as I mentioned here). The "world" would have me go to work making extra money so I could buy more stuff and be away from home. I did not feel a pull to do this (and we are very blessed that I don't have to) although I have been asked a few times about whether or not I was working (out of the home). I guess you could say I sat on my hands kind of waiting to see what happened. It has taken me a while (sometimes it's hard to see things right in front of you) but today I realized how important I am, at least to the little part of the world around me.
I know being a wife and mother are important. No one can really take my place. I know that but sometimes that role doesn't feel like enough, especially when doing laundry and dishes never ends.
Today I had a phone call from a friend. We were supposed to have lunch yesterday but she got called in to work for a very sick librarian. She will probably be covering for her for the rest of the school year. After we hung up I had a line from this song go through my head. "The errand of angels is given to women..." For some reason I sang that line, it was in my head after all, and then tears started. I just knew right then that I was very important and that I was needed in my little world.
The kids in Kade's class just love it when I come in. Some of them run up and give me hugs and it's not because they want me to call their name to play a game. Many of them have to say hi to me. There have been times when I linger an extra few minutes and then I'm called over to see what they are working on. I am part of their world. I can make an impact on their lives, hopefully for the better.
When I "work" in the school library I try to be happy and helpful, show the kids I want to be there and that I'm interested in them. For some of them this may be one of a few positive encounters they have all day. I can make a difference.
When I spend time with Kate I know I brighten her day. She also brightens mine. We had lunch together today at my house. I was so happy to encourage her to do something new. I realized I make an impact in her life and she makes a huge impact on mine. She is a very positive person for having had physical limitations for all of her life. I admire her. She really helps me put things in perspective. I am so glad to have her as a friend.